I’m sharing something that came up recently because it was an interesting surprise to me.

My page is named after the concept of inner child/reparenting work. It was one of the last parts of my therapeutic process. It’s a complex idea with many layers, and over time, it will be more thoroughly explained here.

Basically, we’re looking inwardly to wounded and unhealed parts of ourselves that weren’t handled properly in childhood. The wounds affected our ability to meet developmental milestones back then, so we help the inner child who is still with us to understand now. We help show the child how to heal from what happened.

The conversations between the current adult and the inner child are developmentally appropriate to the age of the child at the time of the trauma. This helps reintegrate the required emotional maturity for a healthy, functioning adult.

Whew! What a simple explanation. Not really, I know. Am I telling you that I talk to myself as a child at various ages, to gauge triggers, safety issues, and fears? Yes, routinely! Then I reassure, hug, give love, and make promises to her. I promise to take care of her, protect her, keep her safe, and keep her fed. Am I telling you that sane people are out there doing this all the time? Yes, I guarantee it!

More on that as we move forward. Here’s what happened recently. I went to my laptop to look for some photos of myself as a child. It was a lighthearted idea to bring some cuteness to this page and to start explaining the concept of inner child work.

I scrolled through photos from over ten years ago, when I started listening to myself more. I had gotten the new haircut I always wanted, and I got a meaningful tattoo. As I kept going backward into my childhood photos, I found out that my inner child didn’t want her photos online! I knew because I had a physical and emotional reaction to the idea as I looked at the photos of myself at 2 or 3 years old. I looked inward, and I asked her about it.

My inner 3 year old doesn’t want to be objectified because she is uncomfortable with the idea of being found attractive by adults again. Did she say this? No. She is 3, so she talks like a child. She said, “I don’t want to be looked at” and, “I don’t want to be pretty.”

Wow! I hadn’t received any messages like that before during my planning for the Shadow Soup page. Of course, I will listen and protect my inner child’s needs, as if she is a real-life child that needs me now. Because she is. She trusts me because I have shown that I am safe, capable, and willing to speak up on her behalf like no one ever did before.

This is the real, intense, meaty work of vulnerability, fear, and confronting abuse trauma. The love that goes into this work is why I frequently say:

Love is an action verb.