Fair warning: This site contains a lot of hairy details about the trauma I’ve experienced throughout my life. When writing about it, I make ongoing choices about how much to share, where it might be helpful, and who to include in my narrative. I’ve considered this perspective thoroughly because I want this blog to feel like it is so much more than a trauma dump. But it IS a trauma dump, and it would be unfair to readers if I did not acknowledge that. 

I’m working on release when I share difficult things and let the impactful truth hit the air. It helps my healing process to work on decreasing that impact, and there’s a lot there to process. Other than that, what is my goal? 

I want to help others who have been badly damaged and wounded to see that it is possible to heal from many years of trauma. I want to advocate for the incredible power of therapy and its destigmatization in society. There is a fulfilling life available during and after the resolution of complex  trauma. Despite over 30 years of dysfunctional relationships, I make choices to put myself first. I’ve explored triggers and patterns to make real and substantive changes in my life. I have gained self-awareness where once I lost my identity. I can now hold my strengths and flaws comfortably. 

Some people have no frame of reference for this large amount of trauma in their pasts, and that’s okay. I’m glad some don’t understand it, because they didn’t have to know that level of pain. That is another reason why I tell my story. Others may have seen a few weird things about my life, but no one really knew what was happening. Severely damaged families become excellent at hiding out loud. My family looked typical on the outside, and much of the abuse and dysfunction was kept from view. It remains hidden by those who are willing participants in keeping the family secrets. Many of us create and enforce perceptions we know are wrong for the sake of family ties. Many of our difficult decisions were made to prevent explosions by the dominant family members. 

Finally, I want to encourage others to choose themselves and their own happiness when abusive family dynamics aren’t in our best interests. I want people to know and understand that ending abusive relationships can be the most healthy decision and does not reflect poorly on the survivor. It’s not necessarily a socially acceptable choice for family members, but those of us who have had to make those decisions deserve support and acceptance from each other. 

Part Two has more details of the specific abuse and neglect I experienced. 

Love is a verb – put it into action.